A difficult relationship has made me ask a lot of questions lately, and I have been wondering what to write about. Meanwhile a reader emailed me wondering whether relationships can be light at all.

As I asked myself that question, my inner voice gave me an emphatic message. And this is going to sound like I am stating the obvious. Relationships are light, and they are heavy. The continuum exists. My endeavour is to go deeper into how the continuum works. What makes relationships heavy, and what makes them light.

This takes me to a recent conversation I had over the dinner table at my parents’ house. As I recall my father was sharing his observations on how people relate, especially in difficult circumstances. He counted four ways.

1. When someone behaves in a way that we consider inappropriate or wrong, one way of relating to that person is through negative emotions such as irritation, anger, frustration, and in some cases, hatred.

2. The second way is one wherein we avoid the person, ignore them, refrain from conversation and try to be indifferent.

3. The third way is to make allowances. Over time we may come to a conclusion that it is someone’s nature to act a certain way. We choose to focus on other, more pleasing, aspects of their personality. But a subtle concern about the behaviour remains lurking in the background.

4. The fourth is straight out of the Cliche Book – Accept the person as a whole. For preserving one’s own sanity, dad said, we must completely accept those that are close to us.

No doubt about it. Acceptance is the key to Lighter Relationships. And we all know that. So, then, what is acceptance? And how can we accept those infuriating, annoying behaviours and attitudes that live in close proximity to us?

Acceptance, as I have understood it, is not an active process. It is a state of mind, a result of other actions and attitudes. This is somewhat like meditation. You can sit in a peaceful place, focus on your breath, maintain a consistent focus, and meditation happens spontaneously as a result of all the preparation and focus.

Acceptance is like that. It arises spontaneously by adopting specific attitudes and actions. As I meditated on this recently, I hit upon a model that works for me – inspired by The Law of Attraction and Dr. Demartini’s Quantum Collapse Process.

The question I asked is – What can I actively do so that I can generate, spontaneously, the state of acceptance? I have come up with a 3 step process. The 3 steps are Recognition, Self Acknowledgement, and Grateful Inquiry.

The process is an intelligent exploration designed to make your relationship lighter. For the full benefit, download the worksheet and print it out. Please share your experience using this tool.

Wishing you Lightness.